the ‘Emergency room’ of S*xual healing industry.
One of the things that contributed to the burn out I experienced at the end of 2019 was this thing of being in the ‘Emergency room’ of the s*xual healing industry.
My workshops, the 1:1 sessions I gave, surviving as a solo entrepreneur (with no business training), even teaching all over the world globally with ISTA (the international School of Temple Arts) had a tinge of ‘emergency’ within it (ie an energy of pushing, high intensity, and going 110% gangbusters all out for transformation! Phew exhausting).
I was consistently in SURVIVAL physiology.
I’m not saying it was all out crazy frantic survival energy, but just a ticking away in the background consistent low level activation on my sympathetic nervous system and not enough parasympathetic.
What does that mean you might ask?
I wasn’t spending enough time in the safe part of my social nervous system.
Whilst I could stay calm and grounded when giving sessions and teaching, I would often extend myself and give too much, (a hyper-social response I learnt as a kid of caretaking others in order to feel safe, I have largely unhooked from this since starting nervous system and trauma resolution work I might add! And I feel so much better)
At the time I didn’t really realize, I just noticed that sometimes I felt overstimulated by all the catharsis-holding, travel, amount of people I met, listened to and helped, how much I held others, and didn’t receive the same amount of holding back myself. I would feel drained after workshops, or sessions, literally fall asleep on the couch/massage table as soon as they ended.
I didn’t realize how much I was pushing myself.
Much of it was exciting, rewarding, and boosted my confidence, but there were subtle ways I was overriding myself.
My nervous system wanted and needed more of the following…
Relaxed connective experiences with others
Slowness so that I could more deeply feel my body and being
Down-regulation to allow for an upwelling of life, love, sex, and participation
Yielding and allowing things to be as they are
More Yin!
Waiting for the right timing for things to emerge, transform, honouring ripeness, and waiting for things to bloom.
But because a lot of this world was happening in the emergency room of the s*xual healing industry, I got a lot of…
Yang energy
Facilitating catharsis
Teaching people to penetrate through their stories and be self responsible
Unknowingly participating in and being a victim of unhealthy power dynamics
Using music, instruction, group energy to move people beyond where they are at, possibly manipulating them in the process
This unspoken subtle need for people to break through…
This in the background agenda for stuff to transform…
This emergency for things to be fixed and change…
It’s all part of our collective suffering and a result of the collective trauma spell we live in that tells us we are:
Not enough — Don’t have enough — Or do enough
That we are somehow flawed and broken and need to be fixed.
If you just bought X Y or Z at some point in the future you would be ‘better’ and therefore whole/fixed.
The truth is, you are already whole.
Sure you have potential you can reach towards, maybe behavior you’d like to change, but that's not going to change by focusing on what's wrong (ie being in the emergency room of the healing industry).
What helps us the most, and is the most miraculous and magical thing about trauma resolution and nervous system work, is that we actually heal by focussing on what's untouched…
What's already whole.
What's complete.
It’s about focussing on our “blueprint of health” and amplifying that so that it’s bigger than our wounds and issues.
I’ll say that again:
You won’t get lasting change by only focussing on that which seems flawed, broken, in need of fixing, damaged etc etc.
You need to amplify the part of you that is untouched, in its original blueprint of health and who we essentially are at the core of our being.
The first is imprint. The second is blueprint.
Whichever has the biggest momentum wins.
It's not like we bypass the imprint either, we just don’t focus solely on it.
We get to expand out into more of who we are and get bigger so that we can be WITH the imprint , rather than IN IT.
Then we are outside of the trauma response and healing can then happen. Otherwise we are just perpetuating a cycle of trauma and continuously re-traumatizing ourselves in the name of healing.
And you wanna know what is also magical about this?
When we do this with our clients and workshop participants, we stop over-holding them and can sit back into our own blueprint of health and be fed by the transformation that happens.
We begin to relax more and trust the process, because we are more deeply trusting the intelligence within our clients.
It’s our job as practitioners to guide them into their deeper knowing and intelligence. We might support them through appropriate and timely prompts on how to do this. Supporting them to navigate their own inner wisdom…
We then also step into the genius zone with those we are serving and magic can really happen PLUS the biggest bonus is we are no longer serving in the EMERGENCY ROOM of the healing industry.
We step into a regenerative space where healing can happen under the right conditions, naturally, organically and in the right timing, just like nature.
If you would like to learn my nervous system healing method - Trauma Alchemy, sign up for the Trauma Alchemy Facilitator Training waitlist or get 1:1 nervous system healing and somatic coaching and/or mentorship through my sessions in the Evolve Coaching Program.
<<<<< Book a FREE call to check if it’s the right fit for you >>>>>>>
Also, here’s some words from Caitlyn who I have been mentoring (she’s also visiting NZ next month — check her workshops out!)
“Being mentored by Ellie has massively changed how I work. Not only has it been incredibly helpful for my own healing and journey, but I now work with clients in a very different way — being nervous system informed, the pace is totally different, I'm reading signals in a more attuned way (mine and the client's), I'm working in a different paradigm of healing. It feels better for me and I'm seeing better results. I feel like I've upgraded my quality as a practitioner.”
