What most people don’t realise about ‘fixing’ their stuff.

Most of us, when we get an issue, or feel like things aren’t working or find ourselves in destructive or limiting loops - what do we do?

I’m speaking generally here.

But maybe I can speak more personally too.

When this happened to me, I would be forever seeking what the problem was, going into my deep wounds, digging them up, releasing it all, bashing pillows maybe, screaming yelling it all out, just feeling it all deeply oh so deeply.

I mean, crikey I was all about going into all of the pain ….

Ooof that’s a lot of crying, emotional unrest and catharsism.😩Exhausting.

What most people don’t realise is whilst that may feel - great (in some ways) - having purged your demons 👿👿👹👺

It’s not necessarily going to take you beyond that loop..!

Hmmmm

Here’s the thing..

Which ever momentum is the biggest will win.

Maybe it’s physics I dunno I never took physics , I was more into chemistry .

But what we need to add in here is (what we call in trauma resolution) - amplifying a field of support - both inside of us, and all around of us.

We need to add in feeling the GOOD and making that bigger!!

Letting that take up space in our physiology too, in fact, for a while we may need to, on purpose, focus on:

• What’s ok

• What’s working

• What brings the feeling of stability

• What creates stability

The thing is, with trauma it gets very single point focussed. It does this because its trying to get us away from the threat.

BUT……

In order to support our bodies to unwind from survival physiology we have to expand our experience out to include MORE.

To include what IS ok.

There will be something.

Even if it feels hard to focus on what’s alright, especially if everything feels f%#@ked.

There will be something, anything that feels ok, or even neutral.

Whether that is a part of your body, mind or Soul or something outside of you.

By bringing our attention here, (on the thing that’s OK) and focussing on it (amplifying it) what we do is give our body the signal that it doesn’t need to keep activating the threat response , our bodies security system can slowly go offline , as now there is more of an awareness of something that’s OKAY, we can turn the alarm off.

Overtime this also impacts our neurology. We might notice ourselves feeling more attuned to what’s well, what’s working, what feels good. Not needing to dwell so much in what isn’t ok.

We get to feel ourselves beyond our trauma imprints. we get to touch the BLUEPRINT which is beneath all our trauma. With awareness, we get to witness and make space for the feelings, instincts and embodied threat responses whilst feeling grounded and centred in our strength, and stability.

It’s like we become a great Redwood with deep deep roots, bigger than our pain and suffering.

Its NOT a pollyanna approach either. because we are not ignoring the trauma, we are simply not focussing solely on it. AND even though it might feel like we have to focus solely on it to try to fix it, and then we might feel safe. Ironically, its actually not gonna feel safe enough to unwind until we have enough of our reality located in a safe state.

That is what we need to flip out of looping in our threat responses and survival physiology .

When you look at it this way it’s pretty common sense.

If the predominant feeling we are having in our lives is more in the realm of impending doom, threat or looping in basic survival fears - then of course what will show up in our reality is lack, scarcity, worry, fear, anxiety etc etc. Because our nervous system state determines our emotional state, mental state and behaviours.

What happens when we amplify a field of support (the good stuff) is we feel nourished, supported, our system becomes more fluid instead of feeling brittle or getting stuck and looping. We feel more resourced, and eventually we may even begin to feel a sense of thriving!

So what does amplifying the field of support look like you might ask?

It looks like creating the conditions for thriving - this can include things like :

⭐️Visualising support with your imagination and felt experience - connecting to anything internal or external imaginary or real that gives you the FEELING of support. The body doesn’t discriminate between real and imagined we can change our state by imagining and feeling . (this is what I do 1:1 with people in my Somatic Therapy sessions, these sessions happen via zoom, I have clients from all over the world, if you’d like to find out more then why not book a FREE discovery call here .)

⭐️Actual support. Reaching out to get HELP. From a professional service or therapist, a mentor, friends, a colleague, an organisation, etc. A great saying to adopt in my opinion is “If something is hard GET HELP” its my favourite motto since finding Somatic Trauma Resolution Work and its really helped me to get off trauma island and heal some big stuff I had around being a lone wolf, being hyper independent, and having shame around needing others.

⭐️Creating better conditions for yourself where your close relationships feel mutually beneficial . There is research to say that we are the sum of the 5 nervous systems we spend the most time WITH. We naturally attune and co-regulate with those we share space and time with. It is really important for our health and well-being that our relationships feel mutually beneficial and mutually supportive. We want to have connections in our life with people where it feels like a win-win.

⭐️Supporting yourself, knowing you are worth it, and are worthy. Building your confidence and self esteem . Becoming your own best friend and greatest ally. In some ways we need to re-parent ourselves to do this. For me, I have cultivated the voice of a wise helpful father, that gives me encouragement when I am in a tough patch, it’s so great to have this inner ally instead of just an inner critic!

(NB and if the inner critic is really loud I might sit down and have a discussion with them too, and find out what they need and want, and maybe what they are worried about and trying to protect me from)

⭐️Finding activities, healthy habits and rhythms that bring you a sense of ease, joy and support your body to recalibrate, de-stress, and release tension.

These are just a few of mine. Maybe you can think of more .

IN SUMMARY:

✨It’s not like we ignore the trauma, it’s there - we are fully aware of it. It just doesn’t occupy so much space within us. Over time it becomes less and less , until at some stage it might even feel like - Wow..was that how I used to be? Or did that really happen to ME ? Or even, I no- longer remember how that felt. It’s not attached to an emotional charge for me anymore.

✨When we work slowly step by step to feel and meet unresolved past hurts, or in other words ‘our survival physiology’ - change is doable, gradual - it happens over time AND IT LASTS!

✨ITS CHANGE WE GET TO KEEP.