Belonging, Spiritual Consumerism and the societal issue of community.

We don’t really live in places anymore where everyone meets each other down at the market square.

People rush off to the supermarket on the way home or order in take out.

However,

There has been a resurgence of farmers markets and locals selling their wares in some towns and villages and its something I do love to do when I’m at home on the little island I live on in New Zealand. I like to visit the local market, not because I really need to buy anything . It’s more of a social occasion and just seeing people that live in my community, chatting, catching up or just being immersed in the diverse crowd that live here,maybe even

Community, what is community and have we lost our ability to live AS a community?

Is community buying a piece of land and sitting around having sharing circles and deciding how we can live beyond the ‘system’?

Is community about coming together with those people that we have a shared sense of value and purpose?

Is it our neighbours? Those we live in proximity to?

Is it the people we might share our home with?

Our close friends and family?

What is community?

And more importantly what creates a strong sense of community in our lives?

For me community is simple , it’s the people I know I can depend upon. The people in my life who have my back. It’s those people in my life I can call on when I need a reminder that life is good. It’s also the people that turn to me for friendship, companionship and support.

But what happens when we mix ‘business’ with community?

I see so many offerings in the spiritual market place that say they are offering community when in reality what they are offering is a temporary experience of community to a bunch of customers.

People have a great time whilst at the temporary community (event) but then have to return home afterwards, back to their ‘normal’ lives having had the most amazing experiences and often only have the what’s app chat or Facebook group as the continuation of that community. If people have travelled to the temporary community from far and wide it can be tricky to keep connections going and they have to book into the next event to drink from the community chalice again.

So how do we navigate the world of personal and spiritual growth and participate in these group spaces without it hooking into our wounds around belonging and community? And playing into their hands of feeling like we need to book onto another training or group experience to feel that high of community living?

I think it’s important to remember that this is a peak experience , a temporary community. Real community happens in the day to day chop wood carry water, in the mundane and in navigating the inevitable challenges that come up when we spend an extended time with other humans. This is what really creates community - navigating this .

We need to spend time in the valleys with one another. Not just try to chase all the peaks . Jumping from one mountain top to the next.

Marketing that we can find our community through these events is a way that the spiritual marketplace has hooked into our needs around belonging and exploited them. If a training or workshop promises community and they don’t have structures in place that support ongoing in person ‘no cost’ or ‘low cost’ doable meet ups my suggestion is to either run a mile or realise this is an experience of ‘temporary community’.

If I want to build a sense of community in my life I have to do that myself, in the valleys of life, in the day to day. Relationships take time and energy we have to be prepared to put that time and energy in. We can’t buy it. It’s not something we can consume.

Being someone who has held spaces for people wanting to explore relating and intimacy in groups, way back in the beginning of my journey I thought I was creating a community. But in reality I was creating the experience of temporary community for people and these people many of whom I referred to as my community were in fact customers.

Here is my suggestion for how to navigate this conundrum for creating a stronger sense of community in your life through these types of events .

• Try to find events in your own country nearer to where you live.

• At the event see who lives near your local area

• After the event arrange to meet with these people at least every 2 weeks . Commit to that together . And do this for a long period of time 2years at least .

• When you meet - be intentional about it. Share from your hearts. Create some kind of sacred space so that your sharings feel sacred . Light a candle , sit in circle, remove distractions, don’t speak when someone else is talking - take turns.

• Share your fears, you longings, go deep.

• See what develops over time. I guarantee you will get more from this than just trying to keep chasing the peaks you feel at events. This might seem like a strange thing to say from someone who creates events! The peak experience of an event is important and valid and so are the valleys where community develops over time.

Hope that was helpful!